I Don’t Believe My Dad and His Partner Will Have Any Children

 Some people end up getting along with their adult children and others don’t. Sometimes parents don’t get along with their children for good reason and others don’t. I don’t get along let alone talk to my biological parents for very good reason. They are stuck in a toxic way of life and I decided not to be apart of that multigenerational trauma cycle. That being said I both want to be a parent and I have realistic expectations of what my role will be and what my children will become. Becoming a parent is a risk in more ways than one.

There’s a risk that your child will choose to become a harmful individual despite you doing your best by them as a parent and then there’s a risk that your child will become the opposite of what you want them to be and that can be a good thing. If your expecting your child to be exactly like you and agree with everything you say then you shouldn’t become a parent. Part of the beauty of becoming a parent is that your child will become an individual and if you celebrate that then you are most likely able to have an ongoing relationship with them when they become an adult.

Unfortunately for my father he wanted me to become just like him and agree to the toxic behaviours of him and other family members. Both my father and his girlfriend became disappointed in what I became because I didn’t agree to their treatment of me and I became an individual who only wanted to be accepted, loved, valued and supported and I grew the wisdom to know that they weren’t capable of that.

Because of how I turned out I think it was a wake up call for my dad and his girlfriend. They were not going to get an obedient forever child by making another child. I think if they ever get another family member they are more likely to get a dog and I honestly think they will get what they want by getting an older dog because it will be quiet and more compliant because it won’t have the energy to act up.

That being said I am glad they won’t have another child because they will destroy that child’s life the way they destroyed my childhood and not everyone ends up stronger despite their upbringing. Many people turn to drugs and alcohol when their childhood is destroyed and their relationship with their parents is fractured.

It’s not easy for me where I’m at either. Walking away from biological family members is not easy. I found that being in contact with them was a lot harder because whenever I would talk to them they would destroy my self esteem and make me feel helpless and stupid. Keeping my distance helps me to live the life I want where I am accepted, valued and supported. It’s an ongoing process of keeping my distance just as loving myself is a constant lifestyle. Being healthy and happy isn’t a destination, it’s a journey and a daily lifestyle. It also helps me become a better person and a better role model to myself and to future generations.

It’s natural to occasionally think about your parents and remind yourself of the mistakes they keep making that you will not continue. It’s natural to dissect their parenting so you don’t make the same mistakes as they did. It’s also natural to feel protective of your children when you come from a long line of multigenerational trauma. It’s part of my ongoing journey of being a good and healthy individual so that future generations don’t have to build their happiness from scratch the way I had to.