Family Violence Can Play a Part in Intimate Partnered Violence (Repost From WEDM 2022)


So I was watching a story about Gabby Petito on 60 Minutes. 


(This is a repost from last years event.)

This tragic tale of intimate partner violence really struck a cord since I have been in abusive

intimate relationships in the past and many female relatives had experienced more physical 

violence. I still remember my grandmother coming home with a black eye when I was just six

years old which was pretty extreme for a young girl to see without any context and although

she was abusive I still feel like she deserved better.



The circumstances in which her fiancee Brian Launderie came home and was vigorously protected by his parents was just as disturbing and when he was later found dead, the way Brian's parents handled the situation wasn't highlighted much at all. Although this makes sense because the story was about how Gabby was allegedly murdered by someone she loved and trusted, I would like to bring Brian's parents under the microscope.

Just to be clear I in no way want to excuse Brian's actions and I think it's atrocious that this happened to a young woman with so much promise and positivity.

When Brian came home his parents got him a lawyer. Brian and his parents were silent on the issue not just with police but also with their own children who spoke out with reporters. When their daughter spoke out, her parents distanced themselves with her. Brian's parents overprotectiveness of their son and treatment of their daughter was toxic and only made the dire situation far worse. If they had encouraged their son to come forward, maybe Brian would have had to pay for his crimes. It would of helped a lot of people who loved Gabby to see Brian go to prison then taking his own life.

Family Violence can play a huge role in Intimate Partnered Violence. If I had gone along with the toxic family system I would of ended up choosing an abusive partner to settle down with and would of become abusive to that partner also. Violence breeds violence and

although not all violent men become violent because of their families, the toxic family system has it's fair share of responsibility in intimate partnered violence.

It's also important to note that the patriarchy doesn't just push men into becoming violent but the oppressive nature of the patriarchy also creates the toxic family system. It can rid women of their softness as well in their bid to become equal to men. So rather than my grandmother opening conversations of what happened to her in an empowered way that could of made it easy for me not to enter abusive relationships, she would be silent in shame and question my relationship choices instead of laying blame to my abusive exes.

We need to remove the stigma of being born to an abusive family, question the social hierarchy that makes biological family the most acceptable type of family and open up conversations about the toxic family that lays shame to the abusers and not the victims. This is because combating Family Violence is something that will also play a part in combating Intimate Partner Violence.




























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