I've Lost Friends Due To My Experience With Family Violence; But It Was For The Better


 

When I was young my idea of love and friendship was emotionally unavailable and self depreciating. I wasn't aware of who my real friends were and my experience of being a victim of family violence was extremely convenient to some and inconvenient for others. I wasn't always aware of the solution to my wounds and how to be free of toxic relatives. I tried a few things including disappearing from facebook for a while.

I was angry and scared when relatives admitted to spying on my facebook page to see what I was doing. They made me believe they had access to me through the internet even when I wasn't talking to them. Eventually I tightened my facebook privacy and barely used it anyways. Anyways I digress...

When I was younger I had friends who saw my vulnerabilities as an opportunity to control me and then I had friends who would pick on me but didn't really know my pain until one day I reconnected with an old friend and made a fake facebook account to throw toxic relatives off my scent. This so called friend didn't just disrespect my right to change my name but also was completely apathetic to my plight. He definitely wasn't a victim of family violence and he clearly didn't believe it was a real problem for some people.

So it turned into an argument and I decided to end this friendship due to the fact that they weren't supportive of me trying to get agency over my life and didn't want to know the one great ongoing struggle of my life. I think he was one of those party only friends, happy to be around you through the good times but disappears through the bad times.

Another so called friend I had only stuck around for my support and would come to me for help but when I came to her for help she told me I was acting like a teenager, and shouldn't talk about my experience with family violence ever. She criticised me for talking about my experience, exaggerated the amount I talked about it and had no empathy for my situation. At this time she was also aware that I started Walk Everyday May. It was another one sided friendship and although I was sad at the time I felt lighter not having her in my life anymore.

These were friends I had since high school and although to many it might seem that I was losing it all, I never really had much to begin with. Yet I still have one loyal friend from high school who was not only at my wedding, but was a witness on my wedding certificate.

My biological sisters might think I have lost it all and don't have family support but they couldn't be more wrong. I may not be the most popular person in the room but I am authentic, kind, and I have a family I chose (my friends, my cat, my husband and his family). Losing everything is being popular with your oppressors, never achieving your dreams and thinking you're better than everyone because you're too afraid to be vulnerable, open and honest in life.

I haven't lost anything. I've shed the skin my parents made me, found real friends and found the true ability to love myself and this inner peace is something I want to share with others because everybody deserves healing and to live their best life. Also I don't hide from relatives anymore. All they will be able to find out about me is Walk Everyday May and that's not something they want to know anyway.

So to conclude, it may seem that a victim of family violence may be losing all their friends but those friends were created when victims self worth is not known. When we start losing a lot of friends its usually because we are realising our self worth and are finally seeking the genuine friends we deserve. It's a catalyst for good change in our lives. So if this is happening to you right now, don't worry it gets better. I promise.








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