Drugs Aren't A Good Excuse, Violence Is A Choice

 

One thing I dislike about my maternal grandmother is that she tries to get people's sympathy by saying she had to estrange herself from my mother because she did drugs. I'm actually surprised at some of the stuff people take in by her because I personally wouldn't be fooled but then again there were things she said that use to fool me when I was younger. I think it's easy to judge the people that get sucked in by her but it's important to remember that they are victims as well and that's apparent more when she changes churches.

Growing up I was afraid of drugs. I thought they were the equivalent of being possessed. This however is not true and believing this about drug takers makes it hard for a lot of domestic violence victims to seek help in the community. The fact is most domestic violence victims get addicted to something and although hard drugs can really mess up a persons life, there are more ways to achieve escapism mentally when you don't know how to escape physically.

Anything can turn into an addiction. Some people get addicted to food, others alcohol. For every extreme addiction there is a more societally accepted one but even those can do a lot of damage. For me my addictions were sugar, caffeine and limerance. I still have a sweet tooth nowerdays but I often replace sugary foods with fruit and yogurt.

The thing about drugs and alcohol is that they often get blamed for peoples behaviour especially when it's violent. These aren't the reason, these are just the fuel. Alcohol especially has long been known for making people do stupid things but it's stupid things our inhibitions have prevented us from doing and alcohol releases inhibitions.

Therefore saying you have kicked someone out of your home for doing drugs is mostly insensitive and cruel. Even if you have to kick someone out due to their behaviour on drugs, estranging them from family is also not a good excuse. I've known people who have kept contact with drug addicted loved ones even when they have been making choices they don't agree with. They set boundaries but they never cut them out and this is really what you are supposed to do when a family member has a drug problem.

When a family member has a drug problem, they need to stick around for that person. Excommunicating a family member with a drug problem can and will make that persons drug problem worse. Drugs are also known for causing mental health problems so if you cut a person out when they are at the height of addiction, it is likely to worsen that persons mental health issues. So using the 'oh she's on drugs' excuse for not talking to your family member just makes you look like an insensitive douchebag.

My reasons for not talking to my mother have never been drug related. I do not like (or approve of) when she did marijuana in front of me but it was never the drugs. My reasons are because she always treated me like dirt and that my sole existence is to make her happy. She always wanted me to be just like her and she gets enraged at me whenever I disagree with her. Also during the lowest points of my life she has abused me, called me names and told me my brother never loved me. If any of those moments were a decider for me to never make contact with her again, it was all the horrible things she said to me when my brother died. She didn't care about my grief. She just wanted everyone to comfort her. Because of her my grief over my brother is so complicated. I have trouble missing my brother sometimes because now when I think of him I'm reminded of how she filled his head with lies about me and it's hard to feel connected with my brother without thinking of my mothers rage.

Often people have tried to make excuses for my mothers mistreatment by saying 'oh it's just the drugs'. That's the other flip side to this type of excuse. It's not the drugs. I don't believe the drugs have anything to do with how she treats me anymore. I think her marijuana addiction has only killed her motivation to become an artist or get a job but it doesn't explain her behaviour and it doesn't make her exempt from accountability. My mother abused me because she chose to abuse me. She decided not to heal from her mother's abuse and instead decided to continue her hurtful pattern. Drugs is not the excuse, it's the very thing that holds these people back from achieving anything good with their lives but it is not their excuse for their behaviour, nor is it a good reason to excommunicate them from their family.