The Worst Effects Of Family Rejection

 

***This post is likely to be very triggering so if it does call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 1800 Respect.***

This is very hard to talk about but I think it's very necessary to talk about. Maybe it might make relatives more careful about how they behave towards their relatives.

When I was a teenager I didn't just suffer from depression. There were also moments in my life where I wanted to end my life. I was often confused about it. On one Occassion I told my father I took too many pills. My father brought his friend with a car and his friend told me 'you're a stupid stupid girl'. My father said he thought I was doing it for attention. This broke my heart. They didn't care to know why I wanted to die. They didn't have any empathy for me. They just thought it was a stunt to draw attention to myself. What they said to me was very irresponsible and unfortunately I attempted again in secret. Luckily my second attempt didn't kill me.

Now I am going to talk about certain moments that triggered me to think about suicide. My dad's girlfriend once told me that I was the problem in their relationship. I thought that if I was gone from this world they would be happy. Luckily I turned to moving out instead which still didn't make them happy.

When I was living with my abusive grandmother I attempted once and I also thought of it several times. When you live with someone who is never happy with what you do, that can be a huge trigger for suicide.

The last time I suffered from suicidal ideation was when my uncle by marriage (on my mother’s side) would often ignore me, not make the effort to see me and consistently left me out of family events. He always had a convenient excuse but when you are trying to reconnect with family and they just act like they don't want you and abuse you and tell you what they think is wrong with you, this makes a person feel like the only way to make those family members happy is as if you were dead.

This is not the answer no matter how cruel your relatives are toward you. Yes it's hard when the very people that brought you in this world don't show gratitude for your existence but you are loved, trust me. It might not be obvious yet as to who loves you and it may be hard to learn how to love yourself but trust me, you belong in this world. There is a higher power that wants you here and I want you here. I want to connect with you too. You have another family created for and by people like you and that's worth waiting for.

I live in spite of those relatives who want me to suffer because I'm here not only to heal but to help others to heal. I'm not here for my toxic relatives, I'm here for me. I'm strong and I inspire people and I'm turning my pain into something beautiful and much bigger than me. I have a family now that I married into but I'm not done growing my family and Walk Everyday May will bring us all together to heal. We have every right to be here and no-one can take that away from us.

If this post has been triggering to you call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 1800 Respect. There is always help available to you when you need it.

Hope 4 U foundation is also always available to help. https://hope4u.com.au/

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