Victims Of Childhood Abuse Can Be Fearful Of Therapy And Here's Why

 

When it comes to intimate partner violence victims are advised against couple therapy because counselling can be a ripe ground for manipulation, coercion, intimidation and attempts to find fault with the victim. The victim will also not be able to express what she needs and this can make therapy dangerous.

For me growing up, I thought it was promising that my father and his girlfriend were into therapy as opposed to my grandmother who was against it. I didn't understand why my dad and his girlfriend were getting therapy together but one day I asked if I could join them which was a big mistake. They welcomed me to go along with them and the focus of the therapy sessions was taken off them as a couple and was put on 'my inability to be a functioning part of the family'. Looking back now I think the fact that my dad and his girlfriend were openly speaking about getting couples therapy was a front and a honey trap.

Soon enough I was being labelled as 'selfish' and made to feel like I was the problem in the family. I tried desperately to connect with with my dad's girlfriend as I wanted a step-mum I could be close to but it was impossible. One day she wore me down in an argument and I vulnerably said to her 'I don't know what is wrong with me'. I was in tears. My dad's girlfriend came across as if she cared about my struggle. She said 'Is it ok if I talk with our therapist about this?' I agreed. I trusted her in that moment.

Later she took me with her to see the therapist without my dad. When I came into that session my dad's girlfriend was sitting in with that therapy session as 'moral support.' There I was interrogated by the therapist asking why I was 'selfish'. I was so livid with anger but I didn't feel safe to express my emotions. Instead I froze and I was evasive with the questions because they didn't make any sense at all and I was just trying hard not to show my anger. My dad's girlfriend said to me that 'I was doing well.' I think after the session she asked how I felt. I lied to her and told her I felt good or something to that effect to satisfy her so she would leave me alone.

After attending many therapy sessions the abuse by my dads girlfriend escalated. She would complain that she wasn't being included and both my dad included her in a family meeting because we were avoiding her getting upset. She was not living with us at this time but wanted a say in what happened in the house. At this time I was paying rent and buying my own food. In this family meeting my dad's girlfriend wanted me to start paying for other household items like cleaning products. I could see she was trying to get me to pay for more and more and I couldn't afford much as I was unemployed at the time. It didn't feel like an equal discussion and felt like she was trying to dominate family decisions.

After this I escaped to my boyfriends house at the time and I deliberately missed the next group therapy session. I then got a call from my dad's girlfriend shouting at me saying 'you made a commitment. You made a commitment.' She was yelling at me so much I was shaking. I moved out not long after this.

As an adult living out of home, I didn't rush into having therapy. I didn't believe in it for a while. When I moved interstate away from my dad and his girlfriend I was recommended to see a therapist. I didn't have high expectations but I found out how therapy could work for me. When you get individual therapy you start to feel supported by a system that might of failed you when you were young. It's easy to get tricked into family group therapy but it's even harder for some to regain trust in therapy once it was used to abuse you.