How Long Does It Take For A Narcissistic Abuser To Start Hoovering? Apparently 2 Years.

 

As I’ve been typing up a script I wrote months ago it made me realise just how far from my mind my toxic relatives are and how they are no longer a part of my life. I’ve been learning who I am beyond the trauma. I’ve recently retired as an artist with my degree now completed and I’ve been pursuing career changes. I’ve stopped looking for permission and approval from others to make decisions for myself and my family and my mind has been focused on the present and the future. I’ve even been considering making Walk Everyday May a bi annual thing so I can pursue my other aspirations in life which I don’t want to state here. It’s been such a liberating realisation that I don’t have to write about family violence as much from my own experience because of how I’ve completely distanced myself from my parents and their families. I barely notice when I walk past my toxic grandmother on the street.(on rare occasions that I’m in that area).

I no longer fear being sucked back in by my toxic relatives and even with this blog I’ve been thinking about writing articles about family violence from an advice perspective to help others heal. So when I found out that my father started following me on one of my YouTube accounts it didn’t affect me in the same way that it use to. I’m no longer a victim to these people, I’m a threat and still my father is oblivious and doesn’t realise how intelligent I have become. He still thinks I’m naive enough to think that contacting him would mend bridges. I see those bridges for the collapsed ashes that they are and I know that his intention will always be so he can engage in the usual distracting behaviour that he does so he doesn’t have to work on healing his own traumas. This is what is at the heart of people who choose to abuse. Controlling another person and abusing them is the distracting addiction they indulge in to pacify the fact that deep down they are lost and have no agency over their own lives.

So yes the nerve of my father trying to follow me on social media once again has made me angry but I am able to brush it off because I am not lacking in my life anymore. I have a father now, my father in law and he is supportive of all my dreams. My father in law even supports certain dreams that my biological father never supported and never will. I know you can’t replace biological relatives with in law ones but you get used to not having biological extended relatives and when you are married you have a new immediate family that always comes first. They say parents lose their children when they get married to an extent but for me it was more permanent.

I suppose I’m prepared and used to my toxic dad and other toxic relatives trying to spy on me online and try to forge contact but I’m not afraid. They know nothing of my life now and I don’t live online so they won’t find out much by following me online. All they will get is being blocked and reported. My voice is too valuable to waste talking to them. My love is too valuable to be wasted on people who will never truely appreciate me and what I have to offer. If I have learnt anything from my toxic father trying to constantly forge connection with me is that I always had so much to offer when it comes to love and support and what I have to offer is so good that toxic relatives keep trying to come back for more to steal my light but they will never get it. I only share my goodness with people who deserve my goodness.

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