Tackling Good Similiarities With Toxic Relatives


 Hi Dragonflies,



Sometimes it can be triggering to have good similarities with toxic relatives. It is often a back-and-forth thing with me. In the past good similiarities used to blind me to the true nature of my toxic relatives. Good similarities with toxic family members can be both a blessing and a curse. It's a balancing act most times. You have to remind yourself about the positive attributes that you have that toxic relatives refuse to develop or pretend to develop in order to get your attention. I remind myself often how much better my life is now that they aren't in it.

You see there are positive things we inherit through genes and there are positive attributes that we have chosen to develop learn that toxic family members often pretend they have to get your attention in order to have a controlling enmeshed relationship with you once again. I have become hyperalert and vigilant to this behaviour. The sad thing is that they have played a fake nice role so many times that if they did ever change for the better (which I doubt) I would not believe them. This is how they have burnt bridges with me. Bridges I resist trying to rebuild because it's always at a cost to my inner peace.

I often find I have inherited a lot of good attributes from relatives through my genes but I know that that isn't a good enough reason to reconnect. So how do I tackle this? Well, I use it as an incentive to create new friendships that I share these similarities with. I also use this feeling to contact a member of my new family. A family member I know who will be supportive. If I still feel tempted then I call 1800 Respect. I also work on my WEDM event and write in this blog. You can also write in a diary if you don't want to keep these thoughts private.

The key is to remind yourself that you have more positive attributes than just the ones you have inherited. If you had more substantial positives with relatives then they wouldn't be considered toxic and you wouldn't be estranged from them. I always remind myself of how I end up feeling long-term when I reach out to toxic relatives. It's not worth the risk. I also have a gratitude app that I use from time to time. Or I spend time in nature.

The important thing to remember is that you are not alone and there are always things you can do to protect yourself and return to your equilibrium. I encourage anyone who experiences this struggle to comment on how you deal when you feel tempted to reach out to toxic relatives due to positive attributes you inherit genetically through toxic relatives.


Bibliography

https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/letting-go-of-toxic-people/

https://www.allure.com/story/cutting-off-toxic-family-member

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