The Act Of Fake Protection And How I Know From Experience

 

When I was younger, people told me my father and grandmother were overprotective. They would be slightly frustrated but idolise them for being 'protective'. I always saw it for what it was and was the biggest obstacle to independence. When I was sick I wasn't able to take care of myself because my grandmother would take over my recovery and tell me I wasn't capable of taking care of myself. It was a very trying time for me and at times even embarrassing as people often defined me as a grannie's girl. My father had toxic habits like this as well.

When I would go home at night my father would condemn me for it. He wouldn't support my independence at this time and made me more scared to go home at night. He would be judgemental of my going out at night at like he expected I should have a curfew for being a woman because he thought I could get raped.

So when I did eventually get sexually assaulted, I found it hard to not blame myself as it happened at night at a party. I was under the illusion I was safe but as an adult, I realised that when I really needed my grandmother or father they would bail on me. Also being abused by relatives meant I was never kept truly safe and their overprotective act was a bid to control me further. So recently when I realised this (because everytime my dad tries to stalk me or contact me I end up doing more research and realising more) It helped me feel stronger and it was a good reminder that I am not losing out on anything by not contacting my father.

Recently I saw a video on tiktok about fake overprotection from toxic relatives and It resonates with me deeply. The fact that they would invade my privacy by masking it as 'Oh I'm helping you keep your room clean' or even direspecting my right to set boundaries by saying 'If I want to find you I would be able to find you' (Which is a clear threat and is totally untrue. This was an attempt to get my father to tell him where I lived which I didn't).

In all my fathers attempts to get me to tell him where I was and all the pictures he took, I would of got a letter or a knock on the door by now. Instead all he could manage to do was follow a YouTube account of mine that I was barely using anyways. Anyways I digress. The point I'm trying to make is if someone is protective of you, you will feel it and you will feel loved. Protection is not just a gesture of love but also a gesture of empowerment. (true protection I mean). Someone who is protective of you will not make you feel guilty of your choices. Instead they will give you tips on how to be safer. 

For example when I reported my fathers recent actions to the police, they did not guilt me at all for having a soical pressence. They gave me tips on how to have more privacy and they recorded what happened on the system. A policeman can spot authenticity and its not the first time that the government has taken me seriously and helped me escape from my abusive father. When I officially left home I had to prove to Centrelink I was being abused so I could get the independent rate. They spoke to my father, his girlfriend(who was also abusing me) and they spoke with me and approved my application to be an independent. So if you need to report a toxic stalking relative to the police, do not hestitate to do it. I would advise taking a support person though as doing such a thing can be daunting.

So to conclude 'Overprotection' by an abusive relative is not protection, it's a control tactic. If you have got yourself away from that toxic situation then you are the most protective person in your life and you will find positive affliations with that word. Also another thing to point out is that Britney Spears released a song called Overprotected and it turned out that her father was also abusive and controlling. Coincidence? I think not.