Holiday Trauma And The Pursuit Of Retracing Ones Steps For Healing

 


Hi Dragonflies,



So recently I went on a holiday to Adelaide. I kept having nightmares of being stuck in my childhood home with my dad. In the dream I had lost my ticket home and my husband was in Sydney and I couldn't even reach him by phone. So retracing my steps in Adelaide with my husband made healing easier but it also made me realise a lot more about the family I grew up with and my abusive father.

I soon realised that not only did I have holiday trauma due to my grandmother being abusive and bribing me to do whatever she wanted on holidays but, I realised that my father was never a good father and that all the good things I thought about my father was just an act. It turned out that my father encouraged me to have a relationship with an older man when I was barely an adult and he also kept friends who were inappropriate with me. This was another #metoo moment for me and I let go of a lot of guilt that wasn't my own.

My father was happy to have friends who talked about sex in a crude way in front of me ever since I was in kindergarten. I initially had guilt about moving to Sydney thinking Sydney might not be as safe for me (as that's what my father said) when in reality my father never kept me safe. It definitely wasn't appropriate for him to have a friend that made sexually lewd comments about my teacher when I was 6 years old and it still wasn't ok for him to continue to be friends with a man who flashed me when I was in high school.

Now its a bit of a risk me writing this entry but I think it's in the best interest of my families future and also others who had covert narcissist parents and are still wondering whether they are being abused or not because covert narcissist parents are the most dangerous because they appear two faced and it can be hard for children of these types of parents to know which side is their authentic side. Now I realise that the caring father I thought I had was a front for a very dangerous man who raised me. 

Later I found that I wasn't sure how to always enjoy holidays because whenever I told my grandmother what I wanted to do on holidays she would bribe me with a dolly magazine to do what she wanted to do. There was also always a major argument on holidays. So that's a whole other level of healing I am still working on.

I couldn't find anything specific to holiday trauma but I found articles on how to handle trauma at Christmas time. I think this can still apply to other holidays like interstate holidays. The way I coped was I spoke to my husband about it and at one point I called 1800 Respect. At the end of the holiday I looked back at the time I spent in Adelaide and applauded myself on the healing work I achieved. I quickly said hello to the new people living in my old place and made sure not to inconvenience them too much. It really put things into perspective meeting them. It was a bit of a reality check realising that I'm no longer a child still trapped in that house. I'm an adult with my own family now and I have no contact with my father. All the trauma is in the past and my estrangement with him prevents him from abusing me further.

I now have power and agency over my own life. I visited Adelaide of my own free will with my husband and I was happy to come home to the first happy and supportive home I've ever had. I was also looking forward to seeing Mushu. I'm also lucky at the moment that I don't really get post holiday blues. Because going away makes me appreciate what I have even more and coming home now feels like a refuge which I never had before. I've achieved so much and I have so many people around me who love me now and I am capable of now keeping myself safe.


https://www.ashleybendiksen.com/9-powerful-tips-to-manage-holiday-associated-trauma/

How Covert Narcissist Parents Groom Their Children For Abuse

Tips On How To Cope With Holiday Trauma

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