This Turn Of Phrase Was A Cruel Manipulation Tactic Used By My Father

 




Hi Dragonflies,


When I last spoke with my father he said "It's not healthy to have no contact with family." A phrase designed to undermine my actions that support my worth contrary to his intentions to control me. It's important to remember that once a child becomes an adult they can choose their own family, sometimes that is to continue biological relationships (ie with parents and grandparents) other times it can be to develop strong supportive friendships that become chosen biological family and then there's a marriage that can make someone legally a family member and also the individual's ability to create children if they choose.

Keeping contact cut with our biological parents and extended biological family is not always unhealthy and is especially not so if those biological family members are abusive. Every now and then I realise more of the ridiculous things biological family members say to me and how they may have convinced themselves that they are right and in a position to give advice but they are far from this.



Abusers try to come across like they are the authority on subjects that you are. They try to undermine your intelligence and make you second-guess everything you know. The truth is that they are scared that you will learn the truth about them and that you will cut them out forever. Instead of trying to fix their behaviour they try to 'fix' your mindset so they stay in control. They are also afraid that you will find your own family and you won't need them anymore. My father is clearly in denial that I have moved on but time will reveal to him that I have moved on and that I see him for the abuser and scared man that he is. 

The truth is that sometimes people don't deserve you and it's ok to keep these kinds of people out of your life. You deserve people in your life who value you, your input and your intelligence. My hope is that with this blog and my event, I can make abuse rare so that more people can thrive because no-one should have to live their whole lives in survival mode.




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