I'm Not Afraid Of My Abusers Finding Out What I Know


 This is my healing era and nothing is going to stand in my way.
Hi Dragonflies,


While I have been recently pondering my trip to Toowoomba and my Uncle and Aunty coming back to Sydney with my dad and his girlfriend I have had some really great stuff to reflect back on. I wrote a lot about what happened in this recent blog post https://walkeverydaymay.blogspot.com/2024/04/how-i-braved-family-functions-despite.html Just so I don't have to repeat myself haha.

I spoke a lot to my husband and my closest friend about how I was so afraid of having to deal with my father on that trip and after that I decided to be brave and not let my dad dictate which family I spend time with. Not that he is trying to control which family I spend time with but my fear of him made me avoid big family events that he would be at. In the end it was not as scary as I thought it was. 

I recently saw in a video on YouTube that grey rock won't work effectively enough on abusive people unless you have done the inward healing. I wasn't sure I would ever heal enough but I thought I would try the grey rock fascade anyway. (even though yellow rock was my initial plan). As it turned out I felt a little temptation to call my father and his girlfriend out for their fake fascade and lies but I would then feel like it just wasn't worth it. I felt that they didn't deserve any of my energy and me calling them out is giving them some energy and making myself look bad to the family. I did give some hints to family about my father abusing me but I didn't elaborate because elaborating in front of my dad and his girlfriend wasn't the time or place.

So I realised that often my dad and his girlfriend would try and look at me to get an emotional response and I didn't think twice about it. I would always look at them blankly and I wouldn't even give them a dirty look. My blank look was so effective and I didn't have to think about it. I stared straight into their soul and I ended up making them uncomfortable. Now I realise that I am no longer afraid of them. Nothing they could say, no research, nothing could convince me to talk to them. I have them all figured out and their behaviour has nothing to do with me. I also know that they often lie to get me to talk to them and that's a big part of an abuser's undoing, if you lie enough then people will eventually disbelieve everything you say. I can't really take it personally anymore. I feel passionate about calling them out through this blog (That's my inner activist) but I just don't take it personally anymore. They are deeply flawed individuals and they will never get what they want out of me ever. Now that I'm married as well just adds to my already full tank of power because you can't get your daughter to move back in with you if she already has her own place and a husband. More power to me :)**


I've learnt that when I feared my father and his girlfriend even for just a little bit, he had some control over me and who I related to. I feel confident enough now that even if my dad tries to brainwash others against me I feel like it just can't work anymore. All it will do is put me in a position when I get to tell my side of the story. No-one is going to kiss my dad's arse the way his own dad will. I feel like others will be open to hearing my side and even if they don't fully believe my side I know I can set boundaries in order to continue to keep my father out of my life. I have the utmost confidence in myself and my power and I can see that my dad's era of abusing his power is over. I saw it when I effectively set my boundary with him in Toowoomba and all he could say was 'got it' begrudgingly. In the past he would bully me but now his hands are totally tied. I know his source of power comes from isolating me and now I have too much support and too much personal power for him to get his way.

This is my healing era and nothing is going to stand in my way. I have accumulated my army of healing and love and fear and intimidation is powerless in the presence of true self love and confidence. So my dad can read this blog and if he tries to threaten me I will say 'Nice Try, I researched the law before I even set up this blog. You're welcome to try and take me to court though, but just know I have a damn good lawyer. You know, from when I took my will-fraudulent grandmother to court.' This is how to catch an abuser at their own bluff but also everything I just said here is the truth. I know some damn good lawyers and I also have family who know the law really well too. I'm very resourceful like that.





*I tried reading the book The Subtle Art OF Not Giving A Fuck once and I found it very negative. It was a very cynical book but sort of interesting until it started coming across as a bit condescending and reminding me of my doom and gloom lecturers I use to have at university. I have found that once you heal enough and research abusive behaviour enough you learn to not give a fuck about pointless people naturally but by doing this you get to keep your gentleness and sensitivity for the stuff that really matters.

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