Red Flag #1: My Dad and His Girlfriend Love My Husband


 I once asked my dad's girlfriend if she got bullied in school. She said that she wasn't bullied, nor popular but that she got along with everyone in school. I found this confusing and unrealistic. No one is liked by everyone.


Hi Dragonflies,


My husband told me that he thought my dad and his girlfriend might be pretending to like him. I told him that I believed the opposite to be true. Now I know what you're thinking. How is your dad and his girlfriend liking your husband a red flag? Well, that's a good question. Although my dad tried to sabotage my husband and I getting together he has always been nice to him and tried to get along with him. I always felt on edge with this fact and it has a lot to do with how he has treated my past close family relationships.

So here's the lowdown of all the people my father and his girlfriend have manipulated against me.

-My first boyfriend's mum. (When we were going out and I was living with his grandmother. This person also helped me move out of my dad's place although my dad and his girlfriend made it very difficult.)

-My adopted Uncle Luke (he got me uninvited to his wedding and even got him to convince me to change an important boundary I had. See https://walkeverydaymay.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-unrealised-trauma-of-my-fathers.html for more details on this event.)

- My own biological mother. (Both my dad and his girlfriend had a friendship with my mum for years. My Grannie agreed with me that this was an utter betrayal of me and a very strange thing for my father and his girlfriend to have a friendship with his ex long after I had become an adult and moved out)

-My biological paternal grandfather. (This wasn't a big loss as my grandfather is also abusive but this was also very nasty of my father to do this.)

-(He didn't turn this person against me but this shows a pattern of behaviour) He called the pizza place I used to live above to get me to call him.

-My Grannie (although I know my Grannie regrets this now and she has been protecting me in spirit)

So as a pattern of behaviour, I am aware that my dad and his girlfriend are trying to befriend my husband (even though they know I want nothing to do with them) so they can feed him falsehoods about me and convince him to get me to talk to them. So I let my husband know this and asked him not to engage in conversation with them as it's dangerous to him and our relationship.

The manipulative narcissist may try to convince the other person that you (and not them) are the one who's behaving irrationally, or that you're the one who's motivated by selfish, inconsiderate behaviour.

Although I know my dad and his girlfriend will be unsuccessful in turning my husband against me, I would rather protect him from them because they are not people who have anything nice to add to people's lives, especially my husbands and since they took someone important to me at one point (my Grannie) I'd rather have my husband have nothing to do with them, even in social situations.


Bibliography

https://thriveworks.com/blog/can-a-manipulative-narcissist-turn-people-against-you/#:~:text=The%20manipulative%20narcissist%20may%20try,motivated%20by%20selfish%2C%20inconsiderate%20behavior.

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