Life After Pain (A Walk Everyday May Blog)

  Hi Dragonflies, When I was young I asked about my mothers bad decayed teeth. I was told that she must be on heavy drugs but the only drugs my mother said she was on was marijuana which was bad enough. My family thought that marijuana wouldn't have contributed to her cavities. Upon writing this I found out that marijuana alone can cause dental cavities but I don't think it was marijuana alone, I think it was a combination of marijuana and a poor high-sugar diet. My mother also told me that she lost a tooth whilst eating a redskin lolly (now called Red Rippers). As of this moment, I have quit refined sugar for 7 days and I have heard that quitting refined sugar can improve mental cognition and moods. I have noticed that my memory and focus is better but I did cry a lot yesterday. Although I don't think the crying was poor mental health. I am still grieving the loss of my Grannie and I know that although I am in good mental health, every now and then I will cry because she w...

  Hi Dragonflies, **Warning Spoilers Ahead** On Saturday night I watched a New Zealand film with my husband. It's an old movie. I was intrigued about a woman's love for her piano driving her in this story but I was also saddened and shocked that this movie was not just described as a love story but also a great love story. I initially felt bad for the main character who was mute. It was hard to follow at times but I quickly realised that this woman often put her needs and desires above her own child's. She allowed a man to touch her so that she could play her piano somehow he ended up with. I didn't understand how he obtained it as I was under the impression it was left on the beach.  The focus was often on the husband (who convinced the woman to enter a loveless arranged marriage) the Mother who was mute and the other man whom she was having an affair with. The poor child got pushed in the middle of the chaotic situation. The mother would also talk to her child like s...

  This is my healing era and nothing is going to stand in my way. Hi Dragonflies, While I have been recently pondering my trip to Toowoomba and my Uncle and Aunty coming back to Sydney with my dad and his girlfriend I have had some really great stuff to reflect back on. I wrote a lot about what happened in this recent blog post  https://walkeverydaymay.blogspot.com/2024/04/how-i-braved-family-functions-despite.html  Just so I don't have to repeat myself haha. I spoke a lot to my husband and my closest friend about how I was so afraid of having to deal with my father on that trip and after that I decided to be brave and not let my dad dictate which family I spend time with. Not that he is trying to control which family I spend time with but my fear of him made me avoid big family events that he would be at. In the end it was not as scary as I thought it was.  I recently saw in a video on YouTube  that grey rock won't work effectively enough on abusive people unle...

  Hi Dragonflies, When I stopped talking to my Grannie I assumed that my entire father's side of the family was toxic. I do feel bad about this but I do know that it had a lot to do with my father. At the time I didn't understand how he was the way he was. I was aware that my mother's side was abusive (except my Big Gran and my Brother who passed) but having some difficulties with my Grannie at the time and then her going into denial about my father's abuse scared me to the point where I thought I was in danger from my entire father's side. I thought my Grannie would never take my father's side. As someone who has lost two children, I do feel like my Grannie went into denial because she missed her son and thought it was easier to try and get me to make up with my father, rather than deal with the real issues Grannie and I were having. I am only mentioning this for context as I forgive my Grannie and I forgive myself for not talking to her for all those years. I ...

  I once asked my dad's girlfriend if she got bullied in school. She said that she wasn't bullied, nor popular but that she got along with everyone in school. I found this confusing and unrealistic. No one is liked by everyone. Hi Dragonflies, My husband told me that he thought my dad and his girlfriend might be pretending to like him. I told him that I believed the opposite to be true. Now I know what you're thinking. How is your dad and his girlfriend liking your husband a red flag? Well, that's a good question. Although my dad tried to sabotage my husband and I getting together he has always been nice to him and tried to get along with him. I always felt on edge with this fact and it has a lot to do with how he has treated my past close family relationships. So here's the lowdown of all the people my father and his girlfriend have manipulated against me. -My first boyfriend's mum. (When we were going out and I was living with his grandmother. This person also...

You're so selfish. When you stand up for yourself, they may say this  to make you feel badly about having self-respect . They are experiencing a narcissistic injury and are trying to devalue you in order to get you in line with their expectations. Listen To This! Hi Dragonflies, Recently I have learned that I am not the only one that my dad and his girlfriend mistreats. I won't go into detail though as I respect this person's privacy but It has helped me realise more that my father's treatment isn't really personal as this is a pattern of behaviour he has. I will say though that my dad did mistreat my Grannie many times and even prevented her from seeing me for a couple of years after she discovered that he beat me when I was 9 years of age. So there are 3 other people that I am aware of that my dad mistreats. I am also aware that he has labelled someone else as selfish who did not deserve it, apart from myself. The fact that my dad and his girlfriend labelled me as...

 Hi Dragonflies, So I went to Queensland recently for my Grannie's ashes (as they were being taken up there) and a memorial service for her. I knew my dad was going to be up there and I was also aware that I needed to prepare myself in how to handle my father. Initially I thought I would use a technique called Yellow rock* instead of Grey rock* as I thought it would be nicer for the rest of my family.  I realised that I wasn't being as compassionate to myself to expect that from myself. When I see my father, I don't see a dad anymore. I see an abuser because that's all he was and all he continued to be. No-one would expect someone to be kind to their rapist for social ettiquette so the fact that I couldn't say 'Hi, How are you?' to my emotionally and psychologically abusive father is understadable. I wasn't nasty or cruel to him. I just avoided him wherever possible and if he did talk to me in front of people I would only say 'yep' or 'okay...

  Hi Dragonflies, This year has been difficult in organising Walk Everyday May. I tried to get an app designed but it was too difficult and would cost too much at this stage. I've also been doing a course to further my career and I have still been grieving the loss of my Grannie. There's been a lot going on in sorting out her estate and dealing with what will happen with her ashes.  Writing about the family violence that still exists which is my father, his girlfriend and my mother's side has been overwhelming sometimes. I don't have anything to do with my mother's side anymore and I am still estranged from my father. However, I have still had to manage being around my father when it comes to funerals, memorials and visiting other family members. I've had to navigate new choices in moving ahead with my family where I have close contact with some family members but remain estranged from my father, his girlfriend and my grandfather. It takes work. It was much easi...